Do you have a problem with being a slut? I’m not being mean or trying to shame you. You will ask this if yourself one day once you begin. There is a difference between being poly(dating or in more than one relationship at a time) and being a hotwife. Hotwives are sluts. Again not shaming you, there is just no better word to describe what they do. You are going to go out with the sole intention of hooking up with men and you are going to do it often.

Do you have a problem with cheating? Screw all of the ethical non monogamy arguments. You will know and feel like you are cheating, at least in the beginning. In time it may go away but then again maybe it won’t. I know a woman who did it for her husband then had a mental breakdown over it. It’s very, very intense for some women. Others do just fine with it so it’s a question of are you okay with it.

Do you value the relationship you have with your husband right now? I have been in a open relationship and I promise you once you do this your previous relationship is over. Not your marriage as many people do make this work. At least in the short term anyway. But what you had will be gone. You will question your husband. You will question if he’s cheating, you will question his motives, you will question everything. Your respect for your husband will also change. He is letting you be with other men. This is not a traditional male trait so your view of him will change. Not necessarily for the worse but it’s going to change. His view of you will change. This is the nature of the lifestyle. It simply is what it is.

The truth is there is a lot of bad info out on open relationships. This is a form of that. The articles and the liars make it out like you are going to have these wonderful adventures when many times you just aren’t. You may hook up with a random guy and everything will go great. Then your next hook up lied on his profile and is now 10 years older than his photo with a pot belly, a balding head, and a bad back. He can’t go for more than 5 minutes and he smells like ass because he’s a single 38 year old man with no wife or anyone else to make him wash his balls. This is the average man looking to hook up outside of college. Trust me my ex hated the scene pretty fast because I was getting good hook ups and she was getting fat losers far too often. Those same couples were looking for unicorns like you to be their three way too. We tried doing the separate hook up route but it was the same for her. It got hard for me as most women don’t want a man in a relationship. Every so often I would get a three way offer but that’s it. If you’re okay with sloppy hookups then go for it. This is the most common one you will get so be ready for it.

Honestly I would advise against this. Very few women make this work for them and most get divorced and are ashamed they did it. 90% failure rate for these types of relationships. Poly is slightly better and swinging is slightly better than that. Relationships in general fail at about a 50% rate these days and adding any of these alternative lifestyles just complicate it more. If you are trying to save a marriage or spice up your bedroom life then this is a very bad idea. Before you begin you have to be in a very solid relationship. After that it’s talking. Lots and lots of talking. Then you test the waters by going out with your husband and openly flirting with other men for months. Let him process this all before you move on. Next kiss, dance with, and even make out with men around him. He has to see this and face it before you ever sleep with another man. This will take almost a year before you get to the point where you go out on dates and have sex with other men. Many husbands think they want this until it’s happening then everything comes out at once. You can always recover if he realizes he doesn’t want this when you are at the preset stage. But once you take that plunge this is over for ever. He will always know and it will end your relationship if you didn’t do this right.

A final word of advice. If your husband didn’t bring this up, stop right now. This is extremely hurtful and emasculating to a man and if you are trying to push it on him you are ending your marriage immediately. He will lose it one day and yes may strike you. Or he may walk out on you and your family and never look back. One of my friends moved to China because his wife tried to open their relationship. He was so devastated that he left everything, including his kids behind and never looked back.

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